you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
