Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
