You can't special order awesome
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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