the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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