I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
