I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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