she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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