I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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