I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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