I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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