3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
