Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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