It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
