I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
