its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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