I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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