someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
