HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
