been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pants are for mortals
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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