hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
