Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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