she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
