mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
