I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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