She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
