I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
