Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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