Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
