My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
