I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize