Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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