After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
