they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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