The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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