Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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