some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
wow bdsm is so cute
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