Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize