I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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