I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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