You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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