I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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