508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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