if you like me you must not know who I am
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
