I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize