I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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