Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
