fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
