i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
