You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
