.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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