guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
