If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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