He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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