this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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