omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She bit a glass in half.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bring me that man meat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
