Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
