we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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