Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
