you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
