HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
