We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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