I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
