i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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