I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Less talking, more tequila
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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