I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
