He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
