honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
where am i from again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
