I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
