So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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