I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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