would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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