Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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